Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
