so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
