Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
