Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
