Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
