I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The Olympian is in my bed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
