i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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