you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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