I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
