We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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