I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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