We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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