I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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