i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
