Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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