Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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