i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
