I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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