Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
