the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
