Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't deserve a penis
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
