they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
