also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Shame is for Republicans.
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