My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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