mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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