it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
