I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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