Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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