Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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