We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
