You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
