theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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