We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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