hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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