i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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