Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
