Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
