Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
