She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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