fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
