no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
