billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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