I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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