im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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