i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
