and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
