Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
