don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are we still banned from the library?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
