you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
