To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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