His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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