while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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