I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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