omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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