Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
