is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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