i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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