how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
