I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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