She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
