I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize