I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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