i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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