I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My feet surprised me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
