She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
