If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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