YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize