i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
