I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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